By Eddie Capparucci, Ph.D., LPC, C-CSAS, CPCS
“I have something I need to tell you,” said Daryl, a 32-year-old client who has been watching pornography since he was 13 and recently lost his job after being caught viewing it on his company phone. “The reason I have struggled to stop watching porn is that I like it. I’m ashamed to admit that to you but I genuinely enjoy watching pornography.”
My response to Daryl was a simple one, “thank you for being courageous to share that with me. I appreciate your honesty.”
But my heart sunk as I thought what porn was doing to him and his peers, as well as thousands of women who have been used by the industry. I can understand Daryl’s feelings about porn because it provides extreme stimulation.
But it comes at a price.
“People need to understand, there are REAL WOMEN
on the other side of the camera.”
Pornography is slowing eroding our society. It is ruining the lives of women who find themselves in front of a camera engaging in sexual and degrading acts they could never imagine doing when they were young and innocent girls.
Men like Daryl are getting their thrills by objectifying and using women (and men) whose dreams and inspirations as children did not include being porn actors.
I often ask men who tell me they see nothing wrong with porn, “tell me the time you met that 12-year-old girl and asked her what she wanted to be when she grew up. And she did not say a ballerina, a doctor, or an artist, but instead told you “I want to take my clothes off in front a camera and have sex with strange men and women.”
I have yet to have a man admit they have met this young girl. Why? Because she does not exist! But even if they do stumble across her, I can guarantee someone(s) have hurt her very, very badly.
People need to understand, there are REAL WOMEN on the other side of the cameras. Women who often need to medicate themselves before the lights go on and the filming begins. Women who have been groomed, enticed, and sometimes forced into engaging in pornographic activities.
They are women who have suffered mental, emotional, and physical anguish at the hands of men in the porn industry who are concerned with one thing – making money. And they make money off the backs of these women, as well as the men and women who consume it. It is an industry that produces blood money gained by abusing people.
Much research has been done, and stories told, demonstrating how pornography destroys lives. Whether it is the individuals on camera or consumers whose porn use results in relational issues, sexual dysfunctions, isolation, or legal consequences.
Euphoria Turns to Despair
Despite the level of enjoyment porn brings for those who watch, one day it will all end. The euphoric feelings turn to shame and disgust. The sexual excitement shifts to sexual frustration. The sense of engagement becomes isolation, loneliness, and despair.
So, let us hear what else Daryl had to say during our session after admitting he enjoyed watching pornography. “I’m sitting here today because I have come to understand porn is ruining my life,” he commented. “I have lost a job I love, and my wife is repulsed by what I have done. We may end up divorced. I hate what I have become.
“Plus, I now understand that I am victimizing the women who are part of the porn industry,” he continued. “I have two young daughters and to think they could get caught up in that filth makes me sick.”
Daryl, like many others who have been on the hamster wheel of pornography, has come full circle in his thinking about the stimulant that has rocked his world and caused his crash. Like millions of men who have had their awakening, he no longer professes an enjoyment for porn but instead realizes it is cancer that can destroy everything he loves.
Have you experienced the negative consequences porn brings? Or perhaps luckily you have not reached that point yet. But there is a way out of the cesspool, however, it is not a battle you can win by yourself. It will require you to be courageous enough to step out in faith to seek help and support.
Eddie Capparucci is a licensed professional counselor and certified in the treatment of sexual and pornography addiction. Among his many clients, Eddie has worked with professional athletes including NFL and MLB players and television personalities.
He is the creator of the Inner Child Recovery Process for the Treatment of Sex and Porn Addiction www.innerchild-sexaddiction.com. He is also the author of the book, Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction.”
He is the administrator of the websites http://www.MenAgainstPorn.org and www.SexuallyPureMen.com and over the years, he has spoken to numerous organizations regarding the harmful impact pornography has on individuals, relationships, and society. He is the host of a monthly webcast entitled: Getting to the Other Side: Helping Couples Navigate the Road to Recovery.